Belonging is a fundamental human need deeply intertwined with survival, driven by biological processes that quickly assess individuals and groups to foster connection or identify threats, ultimately shaping our social interactions and group dynamics.
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so next we're going to talk about
belonging and inclusion and as I
mentioned earlier it's our second core
need but it's so tightly wound with
survival that they really kind of come
in together and that's because if you
think back to our ancestors and that we
were first tribal species we knew that
living with others was really important
for our survival in fact if we were
ousted from the tribe our chances of
dying increased dramatically so entire
parts of our biology are dedicated to
how we engage with others and how we
belong in groups and belonging is a core
need it's a core human need that we all
have but belonging is not fitting in
there's actually a difference and I
always love the research by Dr bernee
Brown in her book daring greatly she
says fitting in is the greatest barrier
to belonging fitting in is assessing
situations and groups of people then
twisting yourself into a human pretzel
in order to get them to let you hang out
with them belonging is something else
entirely it's showing up and letting
yourself be seen and known as you really
are belonging is true for people all
around the world so let's take a look at
what goes on in our brains around the
process of belonging it's actually a
four-phase process and the thing I want
you to know first is that our brains are
actually lazy they're going to take the
shortest route they can and spend the
least amount of energy and when we're
engaging with groups this actually can
be a detriment to us so first is face
perception and this happens so quickly
it's subconscious it happens in 200
milliseconds and there's three parts of
the brain they're activated here it's
the fusiform face area the aspal face
area and the superior sulcus and also
individual neurons what scientists have
found is that individual neurons are
actually scanning for maybe an eyebrow
area or the shape of the mouth and they
can actually hear them firing as we
recognize faces and these parts of the
brain are going to be more active if we
know the person because memory is also getting
getting
activated the second phase that we go
into is that we scan for danger so what
we're doing here and the the the parts
involved are the amydala and the insula
is that we're looking for signs of
emotions and intent so as this person is
coming toward us are they coming at me
with harm in their eyes or are they
looking friendly or neutral what's going on
on
and so in that millisecond we categorize
someone as Friend or Foe or at least
neutral or Foe because again that
increases our chance of survival if we
identify that early on so the third
phase is about sorting for me and we so
this is the medial prefrontal cortex and
what it helps us distinguish is when we
engage with another am I part of just me
or am I part of a group are we in the
same group together so is it just Brit
or is it Brit part of a team so you're
kind of sorting for this individual
versus Collective self and the other
part that we do here is is this my
in-group or my outgroup so our brains do
that all the time sociologists have
talked about it for a long time but we
actually can see a difference
neurologically in the brain as we do
this and this is where our sense of we
comes from which is hey I'm part of this
group so now when I see someone who's
part of my team I kind of just feel
differently around them than if they're
just another kind of neutral person in
my life and then finally the fourth
phase is we assess for US versus them
our brain can hold us and them but this
Us Versus Them is a different kind of
sort and there's actually different
neural signatures when we're in
competition with another group so what's
interesting is when we're in an Us
Versus Them relationship here's what
happens in our brain when I see someone
who's part of my group or my team or my
community my brain will light up when a
member of my team has a success I'll get
a reward in my my brain in addition my
capacity for empathy is greater my
likelihood of forgiving them is greater
even if they do me harm and we're much
more likely to engage in Acts of
altruism for people we see as part of
our us but if we've been cast in an Us
Versus Them relationship with someone
else what happens in our brains when
someone on the other group fails I
actually get a reward for their failure
you feel good when they fail in addition
we are much more likely to engage in
hostility judgment and deration of
others so setting people up in an Us
Versus Them relationship is very
powerful and you want to be very careful
about how you do that at work I know a
lot of times managers thinks that
pitting teams against each other
motivates them you know it we'll work in
the short term but the problem here is
that our brain once we categorize
someone as the them it doesn't really
shift from that so if you reorg the
teams later and you want them to get
along and work nicely with each other
it's really difficult for them to do
that biologically so pay attention to
these four phases because this is how we
create belonging in our interactions
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